so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
