my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
