OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
