i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
