Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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