Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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