dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
