I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
