you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
