Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
