Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
