We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
