I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember whose house we're in?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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