so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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