just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
