Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
