If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize