If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
where are my pants?
in the oven.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
