Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
