dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
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I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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