I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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