Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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