First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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