I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I'm too high and old for this...
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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