I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
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i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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