Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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