I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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