I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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