She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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