he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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