well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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