I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
