she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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