it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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