she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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