You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
