that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
17 year olds will be the death of me.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
