my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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