Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
