I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
