i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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