I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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