Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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