ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
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i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
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I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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