i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
