4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Randomize
