it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
