I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
