White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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