he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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