i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Do vagina's smell?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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