.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
