My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
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