How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
