i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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