billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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