writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
