are you still at the devil's house?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
MIDGETS
????
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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