Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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