Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
