I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
she peed on how many people?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
