I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
