Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
