I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
