Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
