Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
